FLOORING DECKING SIDING
PATTERNS BOARDS LANDSCAPING MISC

 

 

 

 

 

This weeks subject- Reject the evil influence of the Big Box lumberyards.

DATELINE: MOSCOW
IN A HUGE DISPLAY OF SOLIDARITY. GENERALS OF THE FORMER U.S.S.R AND CARPENTERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD JOINED TO PROTEST SOMETHING.

HERE'S OUR HERO IN A COUPLE OF OLD PROMO SHOTS FROM HIS ROCK AND ROLL DAYS. YOU MAY NOTICE HIS SIGANUTRE HANDSAW PLAYING ON THE END OF "A DAY IN THE LIFE" AND A ROUSING SOLO ON THE RAMONE'S "KKK TOOK MY BABY AWAY".

DATELINE: STOCKHOLM
 
IN RECOGNITION OF HIS LIFETIME OF SERVICE TO MANKIND BRINGING EVERYONE WICKED GOOD DEALS FROM AROUND THE WORLD. UNCLE HILDE WAS AWARDED THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR ECONOMICS AT THIS YEAR'S CEREMONY. ON HIS ARM WAS STARLET RAQUEL WELCH (NOT SHOWN). UNCLE HILDE WAS THEN INVITED TO STAND WITH THE SWISS ROYAL FAMILY DURING THE SINGING OF THE SWISS NATIONAL ANTHEM "KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU" (ABBA, 1977).

DATELINE: JERUSALEM
THE LATEST WAVE OF PEACE TALKS HAS INTRODUCED A NEW PLAYER. IN A MOVE TO REDISTRIBUTE "SURPLUS PEACE", AN SURPLUS EXPERT FROM THE NORTHEASTERN UNITED STATES WAS BROUGHT IN. WHEN ASKED FOR COMMENT ON THE MEETING'S PROGRESS, THE EXPERT SAID IT LOOKED LIKE A "WICKED GOOD DEAL FROM AROUND THE WORLD".

AP/UPI/FOX/ESPN/BET/HBO

DATELINE: QUEBEC, CANADA

TODAY UNCLE HILDE VISITED A TOP SECRET LAUNCH FACILITY FOR THE CANADIAN SPACE PROGRAM.

THE C.S.P. LAUNCH VEHICLE "RUBBER DUCK", POWERED BY A SPECIAL BLEND OF WOOD CHIPS AND MOOSE MANURE. IS DUE TO LAUNCH AS SOON AS ENOUGH MOOSE INGREDIENTS ARE COLLECTED. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE VEHICLE'S DESTINATION, THE CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER'S ONLY COMMENT WAS "UP THERE, EH?"

UNCLE HILDE IN THE MOVIES!

Uncle Hilde filmed his first of many movies in 1961 on the Greek Isle of Paulownia, where he first met long time friend Richard Kiel.

Hilde and Kiel hit if off immediately, although Kiel never copied Hilde's signature mustache (unlike Quinn and Niven).

The island was renamed "Palionie" after Columbia Execs decided that "Paulownia" would be too hard for average American movie goers to pronounce.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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